


everywhere i go, everywhere i run

by iamladyshipper



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Original Character(s), Original Universe, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 17:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamladyshipper/pseuds/iamladyshipper
Summary: But no matter how badly she wanted me to be the one for her, I wasn’t.I couldn’t help comparing myself to the girl who was.





	everywhere i go, everywhere i run

**Author's Note:**

> IAMX - Rain to sea

A cold hand was holding my fingers tightly. In loud quietness of a big city I found the stability I was seeking. No one knew my name, recognised my face, I was untrackable, invisible. Putting my free hand on hers to warm it up a bit, I looked at her face; she smiled at me. No matter what story she had been trying to tell me with this lip stretching, I could see the dark sadness in her eyes. I wasn't the one.

Recalling the day I told her how I felt, I regret nothing. Being honest with the closest person I have as well as with myself, I've established the new level of trust. It hadn't made things better or worse. It hadn't changed a thing.

Except... I knew for sure I wasn’t taking advantage of her trust anymore.  
But no matter how badly she wanted me to be the one for her, I wasn’t.  
I couldn’t help comparing myself to the girl who was.

The girl with dark long hair, in a black linen suit, stared at us in the subway. Her nails painted crimson, she scratched her phonecase, as red. I stared back.

“Shallow beauty,” I thought sarcastically.

“That’s because we’re both girls,” I wanted to think.

I was holding her hand despite the piercing stare. I felt proud of being myself.

Actually, who am I lying to? If someone asked me, I’d say we are friends and both involved in a relationship with men. I wasn’t so afraid because in a big city like this, no one knew my face.

Untrackable, invisible, safe.

She stayed silent on our way to the coffeeshop. I would look at her from time to time, expecting her to say something, but she remained wordless. Does she have nothing to say or just doesn’t know how to say it?

In dim light of street lanterns she’d been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Short blond hair, natural blond, touched by the sun just a little; deep pale green eyes. I could look at her for hours.

We ordered coffee and dropped at the table next to the window. Looking through, she had this unspoken uncertainty to her features that always kept me unsettled. I always told her honestly when I couldn’t breathe because of my overnervousness. Judging by how often it happened, I am a very anxious person.

She would say it’s okay.

I would hate my very existence. It wasn’t her who was guilty of not loving me that way, it was me falling for her.

“We’re talking again,” she said, not looking me in the eye or even at my face.  
I took a moment to process what she’d just said. She was talking about the one, woman she loved, woman she’d hurt, woman that made her happy.

I sighed, putting a small smile on my lips.

“Are you feeling better?” I gently asked.

She cut, “no.”

The barista shouted my name. I went to take our coffee.

Almond rough. Cinnamon on top. No sugar.

That’s what she drinks.

Truth is, I like neither almond nor cinnamon. But if she’d wanted me to, I would have drunk a full cup of it to try if I like it this time.

Second truth is, she would never ask me to.

She had been driving me insane for days. The whole reason I’ve started to love her, I’m sure, is that she likes to hold hands despite us being only friends. To kiss my cheek. That she is a beautiful woman, more beautiful than anyone I have ever seen.

I never regretted letting her that close.

I found enough happiness inside myself to genuinely smile and remind her of what a good day we’ve had.

She smiled back, the fire of happiness bright in her pupils.

I wasn’t the one.

**Author's Note:**

> I felt as if I was gonna explode this summer so this work has been born. Now that I'm more or less over her, I want to store this lovesong of mine here. Thank you for reading.
> 
> The title was kinda meant to be from Red - Lost, but I didn't bother to check the lyrics before publishing so...


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